


Drabble #3

by TheLittleRedWhoCouldWrite



Series: Drabbles [3]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Character Study, F/M, Sam-Centric, of sorts
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-24
Updated: 2017-03-24
Packaged: 2018-10-09 21:44:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10422405
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheLittleRedWhoCouldWrite/pseuds/TheLittleRedWhoCouldWrite
Summary: I'm sorry you don't know what to write. :( Maybe to help, can I request a Sam piece? I've been thinking about Sam and Jess lately, and when Sam felt like he could move on from Jess. Maybe you can write about that? - waiting4thedoctor





	

It wasn’t an easy conclusion to come to. In fact, it takes Sam a very, _very_ long time.

How does a person just… _move on_? How is he supposed to feel so deeply for someone, and then just let her go?

Sarah was the first interaction with a girl that sparked something. It probably helped that Dean really pushed him into her. They went on a date, which was nice, and he liked spending time with her. She was small, but strong. She probably would have made a good hunter if she was given the chance, but he doesn’t want her to have this life. Not when she has a good one with her father and his auction house. Leaving isn’t as hard as he thought it would be.

He first thinks that maybe he _could_ move on when he meets Madison. She’s smart and fun to talk to, and very pretty. He likes her. Not like he loved Jess, but that was months of dates and living together and a ring he carried in his pocket for weeks but never got the chance to give her. He likes Madison. He knows it’s not likely anything will come out of it other than a few nights, maybe a date, before he has to move on. He gets too attached too fast, and when things go south it’s like a knife in the slowly healing scar Jess left.

He does his best to not get attached after that. It’s not easy. He’s always been more… sensitive than his brother. He connects with people easily and that makes keeping his defenses solid difficult. Even with Ruby. He doesn’t sleep with just anyone, after all. The demon blood helps. The adrenaline rush and power mean he doesn’t need to be as attached as he would be otherwise. It still hurts, though, to find out she was leading him on the entire time. Holding her in place to Dean can kill  her helps him feel better, though. He moved on quickly.

One good thing about the Apocalypse is it doesn’t leave much time for him to get involved with anyone new. There’s no point. Deep down, right from the moment he learns he’s Lucifer’s vessel, he knew things could only end one way- he had to die.

Sam’s not sure of everything that happened during the time he was soulless, but he knows he slept around a lot. There were no emotions, no attachments. It was just sex for the sake of sex. Part of him wonders what that’s like- sleeping with a woman and not feel anything for her. Part of him knows he’ll never experience that.

Amelia is the first woman in a long time to worm her way through his defenses and it catches him off guard. Maybe that’s why she was able to get to him so quickly. She understands what he’s dealing with, in the aftermath of losing Dean. She can relate and he can relate back, and that’s something he’s never really had outside of his relationship with Dean.

Sometimes he misses her.

After Amelia, it gets easier. He meets other girls and even sleeps around a little- not like Dean, but no one can match Dean. Piper was nice, for example. Small, soft, sweet. She was easy to talk to and he half hopes she’ll call him, even though he knows she probably won’t.

Some nights, Sam wakes up screaming her name. Some mornings he wakes up reaching for a warm body on the other side of the bed and his heart aches and he has to breath deep to fight back the tears. Sometimes Dean says something ridiculous and he thinks to himself, “I have to remember to tell Jess that.”

Sometimes he thinks he’s moved on, but most of the time he knows he never will.


End file.
